Several important questions arise due to the sudden death of Michael Jackson. Questions that need asking – especially so that I can pretend to be a smug, superior cunt who couldn’t be bothered by Michael Jackson’s death while exploiting it to get a few hits.
1. How long do I have to wait before I start the rumour that he’s not really dead?
2. When is Barack Obama going to tweet about MJ’s death? I’m waiting, Mr. President. So far he’s been going on and on about trivialities like the healthcare reforms bill being debated in the U.S. Congress today, or the situation in Afghanistan. Christ! I demand that he at least pen a ‘Respect, brudda. Rest in peace, homie – BO’. Now!
3. When is Gordon Brown going to do a cover of Michael Jackson on Youtube? I suggest a cover of You are not Alone with Peter Mandelson (Mandelson just might enjoy it).
4. When is Speak You’re Branes going to start posting the reactions of the professional grief athletes on the BBC’s message board?
5. Is Michael Jackson actually a cunningly disguised Baldrick? Or vice versa?
I just heard the rumour that Michael Jackson has moved into Bal Thackeray’s autographed toilet. FACT!
